Stolen Innocence
by PadfootIsMyHomeDawg
Summary: "What's there to understand?" Harry said with uncharacteristic harshness. "My own godfather just r-raped me because he thought I was my father, who just so happened to have been his [censored] partner since his third year!" Full warnings inside - rated M - graphic noncon slash JPSB/JPLE
1. Chapter 1

**So I've had this idea for a while and I finally typed it out in the wee hours of the morning last night...hope you guys like it!**

**WARNINGS: graphic rape, m/m, past JPSB, nonconsensual spanking/BDSM, dark, angsty, slight manipulation, some language**

**Summary: "What's there to understand?" Harry said with uncharacteristic harshness. "My own godfather just r-raped me because he thought I was my father, who just so happened to have been his fuck partner since his third year!"**

* * *

He could feel his stare following him when he walked from the room to get ready for bed. He was always watching him now – at first it had made him feel…protected, maybe – or loved. He wasn't quite sure what the feeling had been, but he didn't feel it now. The staring had been going on for the entire Christmas break, and he was surprised that no one had noticed it.

Well, perhaps Professor Lupin had, but he hadn't said anything about it – to Harry, anyway. He had seen the scarred werewolf talking with his godfather quietly and perhaps a little urgently – even sternly – the day before. He hadn't heard anything that had been said though, so they really could've been talking about the rise of Voldemort.

Now the staring concerned Harry – he wasn't sure what was going on in his godfather's mind, but a couple of times he had looked rather sad when he looked at Harry. Other times he looked…well, predatory. That was really the only way to describe it. It was slightly creepy, but he knew he had nothing to fear from the older man. He was just concerned that his mind was on the downward slope after his twelve-year stint in Azkaban.

Harry shook thoughts of Sirius away as he stepped into the shower and then proceeded with his normal nightly routine. As he stepped out of the bathroom and turned in the direction of the bedroom he was sharing with Ron, he saw Sirius a bit further down the hall, beckoning him closer.

Curious and confused at the somewhat mischievous look on his godfather's face, he walked past his bedroom and up to Sirius. He was just about to ask what he wanted when Sirius reached out and grabbed Harry's arm, jerking him suddenly into Sirius' own bedroom. This was rather uncharacteristic of the once handsome man, but Harry didn't protest as Sirius closed the door behind him.

"What's wrong – ?" But then he was cut off as something warm and wet descended on his lips without warning. He was so startled he didn't move, his brain taking a moment to process that Sirius –

Oh, Godric – what the hell? Sirius was kissing him! He felt sick to his stomach even as he was still so shocked that he couldn't move, as though he'd been hit by a Petrificus Totalus spell.

"Merlin, I've waited so long," Sirius breathed, pulling away for the briefest of instants, and that was enough to snap Harry out of his shock. Sirius moved in to kiss him again, but Harry pushed at his chest, with just enough pressure to keep him away.

"Sirius," he said in a surprisingly steady voice. "What are you doing?"

Sirius huffed out a soft laugh and leaned forward, and this time Harry didn't push him away, as he wasn't aiming for his lips. But then he felt teeth grazing his earlobe, hot breath expelling from Sirius' mouth as he spoke.

"Only what we do every New Year's Eve, love," he whispered.

Harry's brows crinkled in confusion. What was he _talking _about? "What?" he questioned, his voice coming out higher than he'd intended.

In answer, Sirius moved in to his lips again, sucking particularly aggressively at his bottom lip. His hips collided with Harry's, and Harry could very _clearly _feel the erection being pressed against him. The sick feeling in his stomach only grew as the backs of his eyes burned. But he would not cry.

"Sirius – _no_ – " Harry tried pushing him away, harder this time, but Sirius caught his wrists and moved them so that they were pressed against the door. Harry struggled harder, and Sirius nipped at Harry's bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood. Harry let out a sound of pain and tried to move his head away from Sirius' devouring mouth.

"So we're playing that game tonight, huh?" Sirius laughed quietly and then leaned forward in a quick move to lick at the blood trickling from the cut in Harry's lip, simultaneously grinding his boner against Harry's hip in a bid for more friction.

"Sirius…why are you doing this?" Harry gasped out as his eyes burned with suppressed tears. He felt so confused and helpless in Sirius' iron grip, even as he continued to struggle. He didn't want to hurt his godfather after all, and he could still see the bones sticking out a bit from his form, despite it being almost two and a half years since his escape from Azkaban. He just seemed so frail, physically and mentally, that he didn't want to do anything that had the chance of harming him. "Please just let me go."

"We both want this, Jamie," Sirius murmured against his jaw, though it didn't seem like the older man was trying to comfort him. It seemed more possessive than anything, a fact supported by the tightening grip on Harry's wrists. "You've begged for my nice big cock inside you enough times for me to know how you like it."

"_Jamie_?" Harry gasped, feeling as though the world had been a rug that was jerked out from under him. He stopped fighting for a moment, totally limp as realization crashed over him, his mind connected the dots. Sirius and James – his dad and godfather – had…and if what Sirius said before was true, they did this _every _New Year's Eve? How long had this gone on? Did Lily know? How could his dad do this to her? How could _Sirius _do this to her? To them? What about Remus? How much was _he_ aware of, or was he kept in the dark?

"S-Sirius," Harry said, tears finally leaking from his eyes. "Don't – I'm not – "

Sirius sighed exasperatedly, though it seemed to be without any real annoyance. "Words, words…it's always _words _with you!" And then he was pulling Harry away from the door, so forcefully that Harry nearly overbalanced, had it not been for Sirius, right there to catch him. Lips crashed against his once more, hard and bruising, and despite Harry's struggles, he soon found himself backed against the bed. He lost his balance and fell backwards, onto his back, and looked up to see Sirius eyeing his body in what could only be described as greedy.

He sat up quickly and put a hand out to stop Sirius from bending down over him again. He thought that if he hopefully got control of the situation, if he brought the real, _sane_, Sirius back to himself, then this wouldn't go any further and maybe they would only feel awkward for a little bit about it all before moving on.

"No, Sirius," he said, trying to be firm. "We can't do this – it isn't right. You may have done it with my dad"—it was hard to get the words out, knowing that his own father had done…_that _with Sirius—"but you can't do it with me."

Sirius' eyes only seemed to grow more lustily excited. "So we _are _playing games tonight," he murmured, as he began divesting himself of his shirt.

"No – no, Sirius!" Harry protested wildly, trying to get up to get past the man and perhaps get Remus – he would help, he knew; he hadn't gone insane after being in Azkaban for so long – but Sirius was descending upon him once more. And although he was thin, he was by far much stronger than Harry, and he easily tossed him on the bed once more. Sirius pulled out his wand from his back pocket, and Harry tensed, expecting a curse maybe, but Sirius cast a far worse spell that literally vanished all of his clothing.

Harry tried to curl up and turn away, feeling very exposed and embarrassed and angry and betrayed, but Sirius grabbed his arm hard enough to bruise and turned him over onto his stomach, even as Harry heard him call _Accio_. He didn't know what was summoned, but a moment later, something smacked hard against his naked backside, instantly spreading a fiery, burning pain across the left globe of his arse. He yelled out in shock and pain, and tried to pull away, but Sirius' weight had gone to press Harry down between his shoulder blades to keep him unable to move as the flat object smacked on the other side of his arse. He let out a pained whimper, but could do nothing as Sirius whispered dirtily down at him.

"You like that, don't you, Jamie?" he said lustily. "I bet you can't _wait_ to have me buried inside you, pounding into that tight little arse like the _whore_ you are. I'm going to jerk you off so hard you'll _scream _my name and I'll just fuck you harder and pour my cum into your arse and you'll only want _more_." Sirius kept talking, uttering dirty, disgusting words, but Harry was so far gone in his sobs as the wooden object Sirius held kept peppering out spanks that each seemed harder than the last.

"Please please _please_, Sirius, _stop_," Harry cried, face pressed into the sheets after a particularly hard flurry of smacks to his sit spots.

To Harry's surprise, Sirius did, though he was too caught up in his sobs to realize that Sirius had now removed his trousers and stood completely naked behind Harry. Then Sirius fell on top of Harry, all burning skin and bony appendages. Harry's sobs quieted, not knowing exactly what to expect, but for the moment, there was no pain. No physical one, anyway, but the lips trailing their way across his neck, over his shoulders, down his spine…he would take the physical pain a thousand times over rather than the betrayal that made him sick to his stomach by his godfather's actions.

His _godfather_. How could Sirius _do _this to him?

"Hey," Sirius murmured into the hair right behind his ear as he pressed his lips into it. "It's alright, Jamie – I know you like it. It's been years – you don't need to fake the tears with me anymore."

But Sirius' words, although meant to be reassuring, only twisted the knife deeper in Harry's gut. _Years_. Which meant that they _had _to have been doing this at Hogwarts. How often _had _they done it? Surely enough that Sirius seemed to know exactly what _Jamie _wanted and liked in bed.

And now, he had to know. So in what he hoped was the most casual voice possible – or at least as casual as it _could _be in this situation – he said, "Just thinking about our first time again."

Sirius chuckled softly. "Don't make me think about that, Jamie. Third year was my awkward year."

Third year. They'd started this in _Third Year_. They'd been _thirteen_.

The tears fell faster, and now Sirius seemed to have reached the end of his patience, for he finally let his hips fall, and Harry jumped at the contact to his sore arse. Then he tensed, as he felt something decidedly hot and _hard _rubbing at his arse crack. It didn't take much imagination to know what it was, and it was much different when not covered by jeans. He struggled again to get away, but it was halfhearted, as he knew it was futile to try.

"Gods, you're tense," Sirius muttered. "I'll just get on with it then. _Relax_, Jamie."

Harry only shook his head, silent tears streaming down his cheeks. Sirius either didn't notice or didn't care about his protests – or worse, thought it was part of a _game _they'd played – as he shifted slightly to get easier access to Harry's arse. Then Harry felt fingers probing his hole, and he tensed and clenched his hands into fists, his knuckles white as his fingernails bit into his palms, hard enough to draw blood.

Then the finger slid inside, and Harry whimpered in pain.

"Please don't," he pleaded desperately, though he didn't think Sirius heard him as a second finger joined the first. The pain was more intense, though still bearable, and he squeezed his eyes shut as the fingers moved, stretching his virgin hole and scissoring the sides apart. Then another finger joined the other two, and Harry couldn't help the low sob that escaped his chest at the burning pain of it all.

Then the fingers crooked, and suddenly Harry let out a gasp of surprise as _something _shot through him, making his toes and fingers tingle electrifyingly. It was the first time he began to feel his cock taking an interest in what was happening, and now he felt betrayed by his own body. He recalled learning somewhere – he wasn't sure where – about the prostate gland and what contact and especially pressure to it would do to him. He'd never thought that his first experience with it would be when he was being raped by his own godfather.

"No, no, no," he pleaded through his tears, but then Sirius crooked his fingers again, and Harry smashed his face into the sheets again as the same feeling of intense pleasure rushed through him, conflicting his emotions.

"_God_, you look so hot like that," Sirius groaned above him, pressing a kiss to his neck as fingers were removed and something much larger rested at Harry's hole.

Then Sirius was pushing into him, and Harry's eyes widened at the _much _worse pain of the cock inside him than the fingers. His somewhat random cries turned into full-blown sobs, his body wracking with pain as he clenched around Sirius' member. But that only seemed to worsen it, and what little control Sirius had was lost for a brief moment, just long enough to get Sirius to slam his impossibly long cock the rest of the way into Harry's body.

Harry _screamed _when he felt the pain spike rather suddenly, and then remained, not abating as the fingers had. His body shuddered in protest to the unnatural action being forced on him, but he was too shaky and weak by now with all of the pain that he couldn't escape if he'd tried. Wracking sobs filled him, and he realized vaguely that Sirius was kissing his neck in what was supposed to be a comforting way.

"I told you to relax, Jamie," he finally heard him murmuring against his skin. A moment later, "I'm going to start moving now."

"No, please, no, it burns, please stop…" Harry blubbered, but his words were incoherent, and Sirius probably wouldn't have stopped anyway. He shrieked when Sirius moved his hips back and then slammed back in, and his body jolted at the movement. Sirius repeated the action again, though this time his cock slid over the bundle of nerve endings inside him, and Harry's cry was of pleasure as well as pain. Sirius made a pleased sound in the back of his throat and repeated the action again. And again. And again.

Finally Harry's body won out over his mind, and his hips began to meet Sirius with every thrust, his cock dripping with precome. All the while Harry sobbed his pain and betrayal, the occasional cry of pleasure slipping past. It was all very confusing for Harry, but he was so far gone in the moment that he couldn't think straight.

Then Sirius began fisting him, and Harry's eyes closed at the feelings coursing through him as Sirius pumped in time with his thrusts. Harry came with a harsh cry onto the bed, and then Sirius went still as warmth flooded inside Harry.

"James," he moaned.

"No," Harry whispered, and then Sirius dropped down beside him, softening cock sliding out at the same time. Sirius didn't notice or say anything else, only closed his eyes and almost instantly fell asleep.

Harry lied there for several minutes, feeling dirty and used and betrayed by one of the few he trusted most in the world. He turned over to face the door so that he wouldn't have to see his godfather sleeping. His eyes found a rather large wooden paddle sitting on the floor right beside the bed, and his arse twinged in painful memory of it. He thought he would just die there until the door opened.

"Hey, Pads – do you have…?"

Remus stopped talking as soon as he noticed Harry and the state he and Sirius were in. His gaze darted from Harry's tear-stained face and somewhat deadened eyes to Sirius' state of sleep behind him. He saw the blood trickling down between Harry's thighs and the nakedness of both men, and his face lit with grim realization.

"Oh, cub," Remus sighed, intense sorrow taking over his expression. Harry didn't move, only stared at the man as a single tear slid from his eye.

So Remus went over to Harry, noticing how the boy flinched when Remus knelt down in front of him. He wasn't quite sure what to say to the boy he had failed so miserably so many times. This was just another failure to add to the list.

"Harry, I am so sorry," he said bleakly. "I thought I had gotten through to him, but…"

"Is it true?" Harry said in a dull voice, though also filled with so much misery. "Did he really…was he really fucking my dad since he was thirteen?"

Remus gazed at Harry sadly – this is something he should _never_ have found out about, let alone like _this_ – before nodding.

Harry let out a choked sob and buried his face in the bed again.

"He wasn't like this before Azkaban, Harry," Remus kept talking, despite the fact that the very man he was talking about was lying asleep not three feet away. "But twelve years of Dementors made him lose some things – memories, feelings – and…lately he keeps talking about you like you're James. And…well, he's not all there. He's a bit insane right now, but he loves you _very _much, Harry, and he would die to protect you."

"Are you trying to justify this?" Harry cried, sitting up suddenly and causing his head to sway dangerously, but he ignored it.

"Of course not, Harry," Remus said, trying to reassure the distraught boy. "I am merely trying to make you understand."

"What's there to understand?" Harry said with uncharacteristic harshness. "My own godfather just r-raped me because he thought I was my father, who just so happened to have been his fuck partner since his third year!"

"He loves you for _you_, Harry," Remus said gently. "But sometimes, on particularly bad days, his mind regresses to a time when all of us were together, and plans his actions accordingly. But James and Sirius weren't just 'fuck partners' – I promise you. They both loved each other very much, and had a different kind of bond than the rest of us did."

"He just paddled me!" Harry screeched, pointing at the offending object on the floor. "He spanked me because he thought I'd…I'd get off on it…" By the end of the sentence, he was in tears again, his voice broken. "That doesn't sound like a 'loving relationship' to me."

Remus' heart tore as he thought of how confused and afraid Harry must've been at that experience. He knew James and Sirius played it rough after overhearing them at Hogwarts a few different times when they forgot the silencing charms in the dorms, but he also knew that it was only because that was what the two enjoyed – it wasn't that they _liked _inflicting pain on the other, but the recipient liked it, and the other respected that and complied accordingly. And in one particular encounter that Remus remembered hearing, Sirius had told James that while he hated when James sobbed and cried for real, he was beautiful while he was doing it. And if Harry was crying during it all – which he was sure he was – that would only have encouraged Sirius.

"Their relationship was different, true," Remus conceded. "Over the past few weeks I've tried getting through to the old Sirius – the _real _Sirius, and I'm afraid I've failed you. I know that it can never be enough, and for that, I am truly sorry."

"It's not your fault, Professor," Harry sniffed. "Did…did my mum know?"

Remus nodded once in response. "She understood," was all he said on the matter, though the tenseness around his eyes promised that there was more to it than that. Harry didn't want to know more though, afraid that he wouldn't be able to take it if he found out that it caused Lily to hate James.

"What about me then?" he asked forlornly. "He was _married _to her – didn't he care about _me_? Didn't Sirius?"

"Yes, Harry, they both did," Remus assured him. "Sirius and James didn't love you any less than what we've already told and showed you. And Sirius still _does _love you, even now, even still as his godson. But you look so like James did as a teenager that it's difficult for his brain to understand that you're _not_ him and move on."

Harry nodded that he understood, but it still hurt. His gaze wandered to the still sleeping Sirius, and he quickly looked away from the flushed skin, the sweaty hair. Remus was gazing at him sympathetically, understanding.

"Is…" his voice came out rough, so he cleared his throat and tried again. "Is he going to remember this later?"

"It's very likely," Remus said sadly. "But he also may not – it depends on how deeply immersed he was in his insanity."

_Insanity_. He hated the word. The insanity is what caused Sirius to do this, and nothing else. Well, except for the Dementors, but they had _caused _the insanity, so they didn't count.

"He'll feel so guilty," Harry realized.

Remus nodded. "Undoubtedly," he said unhappily.

Harry gnawed on his bottom lip, which had scabbed over already from where Sirius had bit it earlier, before saying rather timidly, "When he wakes up, could you…could you _Obliviate _him?"

Remus' eyes widened in surprise, so Harry hurried to explain. "He'll feel so awful about it, and I don't want the part of him that's my godfather to be gone, too. He's fun when he's sane."

"I could, but Harry – what about on your part? _You _know it happened, so it will be different for you, and he'll see that."

"I need to remember this, Professor," Harry said quietly after a moment. "Everything I knew about my dad and my godfather has been a lie. I need to remember the truth of it."

"It can only hurt you, Harry," Remus tried.

"And so I'll be hurt," Harry said with far too much acceptance for the situation. "I need to know, though."

"Alright, cub," Remus finally accepted unhappily. "Would you like for me to heal you?"

Harry shrugged, and Remus took that as an acceptance, and began to wave his wand over him, healing his physical injuries. But the forlorn, deadened look in his eyes made Remus' chest ache, and he gently took hold of Harry's hand, leading him out of the room.

As soon as the door closed behind Harry, Remus turned his wand on the boy. The green eyes widened in realization, but he had no time for protest before Remus spoke.

"I'm sorry, Harry," he told him. "I promise you that I will not let Sirius remember what happened tonight, and I won't let him get close to you like this again, but you've had too much pain in your life already – you don't need to add another unnecessary one to the list."

Harry opened his mouth, probably to insist on his need to remember or some sort, but Remus was already chanting the incantation.

"_Obliviate._"

Harry blinked, and saw Professor Lupin in front of him. Hadn't he _just _exited the bathroom? But now he was by Sirius' bedroom. Weird…

He talked confusedly with a somewhat sad-looking Remus for a moment before bidding him goodnight and going to the bedroom that he shared with Ron. As he wrapped his hand around the doorknob, he winced suddenly at a pain in the palms of his hands. He lifted his hands to peer at the palms, and saw four crescent-shaped cuts across each of them, as though he'd clenched his fists as tight as he could possibly manage, and ended up cutting himself with his fingernails.

_When did I do that? _He wondered. He'd been fine in the shower…hadn't that just been a few minutes ago? Somehow it felt like longer, though that couldn't be possible.

Something dark and depressing niggled at the back of his mind, begging for acknowledgement, but he pushed it away. Placing his hand on the doorknob again, he opened the door to find Ron sitting on the ground, a game of Wizard's Chess before him, ready to play.

He walked in and closed the door behind him with a soft click.

* * *

**That turned out much darker than I originally planned it, but this works out fine with me. Did anyone else like it? Flame me if you like - it only boosts my review count. :)**


	2. AN: SEQUEL

**So…due to popular request/wishes/comments, I figured that I would write a little side story to what happened ****_after _****this fic. **

**At first I was thinking that I could write about when Sirius realized what he had done to Harry and then Remus obliviated him, but then I was like – "No. We all know what Sirius' horror-stricken reaction would be, and what the outcome would be. That would be boring."**

**So then I was thinking – what if Remus ****_didn't _****obliviatehim? What would happen then? Would Sirius have an easier time staying sane because of all of the guilt keeping him down to earth, or would he lose it totally and maybe Remus has this idea of sort-of-but-not-really luring Sirius to the DoM where he knows he'll get killed and consequently see James again? Then I thought – "No. ****_Way _****too depressing. Why would Remus ****_want _****him killed – he's his best friend now – his ****_only _****friend."**

**So I went back and read what I'd posted, trying to get some inspiration. And a certain paragraph caught my eye – the one where Remus remembered one encounter where Sirius had told James that he was beautiful when he cried. And yes – I know ****_I _****was the one that actually wrote it, but all of a sudden I found it strange that Remus would've been listening long enough to hear something as detailed as that. And then going off of this train of thought, I read through it ****_again _****and realized that my idea would work perfectly…**

**What if there was a one-sided Remus/Sirius going on – i.e. Remus loves Sirius? And I think you can use your imagination to know what happened…**

**But you don't have to! Because I have now posted the side-story as mentioned above – just go to my profile and scroll down to the fic that says "Never His in the First Place". (I would post an actual link, but FF is stupid and even putting spaces and whatever is NOT WORKING! ...Grr...**

**Anyhoo, thanks bunches!**

**-PadfootIsMyHomeDawg**


	3. AN: new sidefic

**Gosh…I had thought that I would only write ****_Stolen Innocence _****and then be done with it, but several people wanted a sequel, and so I wrote ****_Never His in the First Place_****. And I thought I'd be done there. And then several ****_more _****people asked to see Sirius' reaction and subsequent obliviation, and xharrypotter said (s)he would ****_pay _****to read that and then Sirius and Harry's reactions when they're back together again for the first time.**

**So, thank xharrypotter! It's mainly his/her PM that convinced me to write a side-fic, but all you other lovely people who said they wanted more, you're not forgotten! We need more people like you that will speak up…**

**Anyhoo, just go to my profile and it's there, titled "No Excuse". Hope you love! :)**

**P.S. No, I will not write any more on this plot - I think 3 fics are enough. ;p**


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